A Virgin?

Let me share some of my thoughts with Christian women here:

Through pain and risk I've learned to pass-by any women who are not receptive or open to engaging me. Maybe

they don't like my bushy eye-brows, or maybe it's deeper than that, but the point is that I have no idea why and

it's not up to me anyway. For whatever reasons she's just not willing to come halfway, fine, moving on. After

awhile a guy learns how to pick-up on the signals to save time and can better choose who to pursue even before

acquaintance. Then he approaches her. However, many people can tell when a guy or a girl is safely

filtering-out potential mates from a distance without approaching or opening-up. This is not noble, and it's

just fear of rejection in disguise. I usually don't chance it (anymore).

Girls, just how receptive are you to men? What signals are you giving men?

When a girl annoyingly hits on me, I am usually pleased and grateful, because I know she's not afraid to engage.

And most often she'll get a tight hug from me for that. Such women are rare jewels, especially if they enjoy a

little verbal sparring. I especially love to be thrown-off. I love surprises like that.

In my experience, the women who snub me, judge me, ignore me, reject me, play games, fidget, whatever, are

almost always Christian (or so they call themselves). I never know much about these girls or have any clue of

what drives their lives. I've found that women who actually enjoy being with me are not in the least

judgmental, take all kinds of risks with their lives, and are unfamiliar with religious and moral stigma around

sex.

But if you're patiently waiting for Mr. Right to come along, let me warn you that I know of plenty of Christian

women in their forties who are "still looking" or have just given-up. Whatever you decide to do, just don't

worship the comfort zone.

I think you need to read part II of this post that I wrote more recently:

http://intelligenceisacurse.com/index.html/2009...

Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean that I am closed and don't flirt. Just because I am a virgin doesn't mean I haven't engaged in other sexual acts such as foreplay. Plus, like I said in my post "I decided when I was young that I wanted to wait for sex until I fell in love. " I don't necessarily plan on waiting until marriage but I do plan on waiting until I am in a serious relationship.

And there is no way in hell I'm waiting until I'm 40. I have an age in my mind that I will not pass as a virgin. I am sooo not looking to getting a movie named after me.

I think upbringing is a big part of 'why'.. Parents being fanatically religious doesn't necessarily mean you would become the same, in fact it is quite probably to trigger a rebellious nature, but more subtly practicing parents might subconsciously influence your own religious morals and practices.. Perhaps the religious ideals or morals aren't as disassociated from your actions as you think...

As for me, I have always valued love above anything else and for as far back as I can remember, have always fantasized about the ideal girl for me and what our children would be like etc.. I had opportunities to have sex in my teens but didn't until I was 20 and after that short relationship that I knew wasn't in my opinion 'love' and unfortunately contrary to the way the girl felt. I then decided to (as I had done previously until deciding it was time..) not go into a relationship or 'mess around' until I fell in love and had the love returned.. For 5 years I literally kissed 3 girls and went no further, until I fell in love and ended up in a relationship, which only lasted 9 months long distance.. A few years have passed and I still think about her most days.. since her, I have engaged in sex more casually on several occasions, and feel that though I am how I am due to the way I went about things, and am pleased about it, on another level, I feel I somewhat wasted time when I could have been experiencing life.. Life is short, and if one was to wait 5 years between each loving relationship without guarantee these relationships will last very long, then you will carry all these questions and urges around.. Sex, as well as being an emotional experience, is a healthy and natural release that needs to be experienced and not feared throughout adulthood. This is my opinion now. Sure it isn't as good when it is with someone you are not in love with, but it can be enjoyable, and nothing will take away how special it is between two people in love, so I am not worried about that.. These are the things I have learned in my experience..

Like I said before, waiting until after marriage isn't really what I'm holding off on as far as sex is concerned. It is the fact that I would like my first time to be with someone I love and in a position in which the love is reciprocated. It would eat away at my insides if it went any other way. I'm not sure what my position on "sex" would be after my first time, but I'd probably be more casual about it.

I am a virgin too, and I'm about to turn 25. I just can't do it, I'm not ready for it. I want the love, and feeling of security. I don't want to settle, and frankly I'm afraid it's gonna hurt like a mother, which doesn't make it appealing at all. Don't get me wrong, I've been close to it, but I think there's a reason why I never go all the way: my conscience. I feel so guilty sometimes about things that people would consider to be innocent, so I know if I ever went that far, I'd be devastated. But I like your point about not letting your virginity define you. I think that's something I need to work on.

wow you took the words right out of my mouth. I guess we see eye to eye.

Good on you. I have only had sex with 1 person and that was my partner of 3 and a half years. I was 20 when I stopped being a virgin. I completely understand you on the picky part. I have been single for the last year and am not willing to just go out and have sex with anyone for the sake of having sex.

Maybe some of the 14 year olds out there need to have a good read of this post along with the comments. :)

I too am still a virgin, though I don't know how much choice plays into it. I don't buy into any religion and don't withhold from sex for moralistic reasons. I don't really believe in morals as most people define them, and I think sex is a thing that shouldn't be a moral issue. I feel that's made sex way too social of an event than it needs to be.

I'm a victim of so many things, and about the only reason I'm probably still a virgin is because of my past as I have no problem with sex itself. For me, waiting is more about wanting to learn how to love myself and feel good about myself...my body, my mind, my own unique beauty. Being confident that I'm in touch with myself and that I know what I want from a partner. Sex is an extremely emotional event, and a person needs to be able to handle it. You're sharing everything you are with someone else, and that's something that gets lost in making sex a social issue. It's not the same coming of age sorta thing as entering the workforce, or going off to college.

I feel that as long as you're connected with who you are and what you have to give, that you're ready for sex. I personally know I'm not there, so that's why I wait.

i am 24 and a virgin...i was brought that sex wasnt just some silly old game. At some point i decided i would engage in sex when i was 18 then when i turned 18 i thought it would be so stupid to lose my virginity coz it had finally become an "adult',,,so i thought maybe when i am 21..then i became a christian so i did it coz it was expected...last year at some point i thought whats all the fuss....almost all my friends are having sex..others with their boyfriends some casually...nway i realised that's not me..i am not a virgin coz of religion or coz i think its some "gift' i will give some man or husband..but rather its something i am doing for myself..in my case most of my friends know..and at some point my male friends have tried to convince me that its archaic, and uncool but i have stuck to mu guns...i think sex is addictive and knowing who i am i would feel so small if i slept with someone and to me it meant a lot yet to them it meant something...i believe sex should be special..and since most of the relationships i have been in have not been serious...i am glad i am waiting...in as much as i have become cynical about fidelity in most relationships..i still believe i want to have sex within marriage...and it is something i do not apologize about..so i applaud you..in all things you do..do it for yourself...my beliefs are too important to me to bow in to pressure..

wow this post is pretty much word for word what i've wanted to, but never had the courage to post on my blog. is it ok if i put a link to this particular post on my blog?

thank you for having the courage to say what others can/ will not admit to.

im so glad to see that there's another person out there who thinks similar to the way i do. i thought i was a dying species!

Sure thing!

Wow. I feel exactly like you. I've never done the dirty deed either, and I have days when I'm proud of this and days when I'm utterly confused as to my opinion regarding sex. I was raised in VERY Christian home, and the idea of sex before marriage was horrifying to me as a young girl. Now that I've had some time to figure out a few things for myself, I've given up quite a few of the few things that were pounded into my head for 18 years. However, abstaining from casual sex is one of those things I've held on to, and I think it's been a good thing.

I've had a few sexual encounters, but always managed steer away from going "all the way." Unfortunately these encounters have almost always stemmed from my fear of being "so behind" that I end up giving up things just so I feel more normal.

It encourages me to see another 20-something being honest about her virginity. For some reason it's something I keep a secret. I'm afraid of being labled "sheltered," "confused," or "naive" if I admit it. However, at this point in life I figure that if I've waited this long I'm surely not going to waste it on someone who isn't worth it.

I've been thinking about writing a post about sexuality and my virginity, but have been scared to come right out and say "Hey world, I'm a virgin."
I don't think I'll be too scared anymore.
Thanks

I am so glad I posted this. Although I was scared to talk about such a revealing topic. It seems that most people who have commented here feel the same way, and I'm coming to the realization that maybe there are a lot more virgins out the world than I had originally thought. I guess we all tend to keep quiet about since it's so rare in today's society.

I feel that even though I've done and participate in a lot of "non-Christian" activities, that my virginity is something that I am doing right. For instance, lying is compulsive for me and many others; sometimes I just can't help it. But remaining a virgin and abstaining from sex is one thing I know I can do right because I am doing it right. Sexual immorality is an epidemic for believers and non-believers alike. And I guess, even though I'm confused about all this I'm still glad that I haven't done the "dirty deed"

I am a Christian as well and although that is a very powerful reason for my still being a virgin... I am also quite selective as well and cannot just "sleep" with anyone... I think "sexual intercourse" is special as cliche as that may come off, its true to me in every way... and therefore marriage is where it shall be specialized haha
Most people regret a good number of their past multiple partners so you're on the greener side of the grass as it is in my opinion!...

You won't regret being patient and waiting for God's best for you. I think you would regret settling. I waited until I was married. You are not alone. It just feels like that.

There's really no shame in it and you're definitely not alone. Too many people just lose it for fear of being uncool (or whatever), it's nice to know that some people still have proper values today.

PS;
i love the blog layout!

I think that in the long run you will be much happier that you put so much thought into this and didn't just jump into bed with someone. You'll find the right person, and when you do you'll be able to accept them flaws and all.

oh don't fret about...you're not alone ahahaha and you'd be shock if i tell you about my aunt who's 30 something still hasn't married no bf haven't found one person who's right for her and guess i am too.

Seriously dont worry about finding the right guy. he is out there, just maybe you havent met him yet (basically the timing sucks!). I always thought I would end up being the crazy cat lady with no husband or kids just a house full of cats and then I met boypren. and about being a virgin, there is really nothing tobe ashamed of. Granted the reason of staying a virgin may not be fully religious but main point is that you want to experience it with someone you love, not to just screw some random person. So really, dont worry about meeting the 'the one'. You will meet him when the time is right for both of you (I know it sounds incredibly cliched like from a bad chick flick but I really believe it basing from my experience with boypren). Plus there is alot of emotional attachment when sex is involved, at least from what I heard, so you have to not only be physically ready you also have to emotionally ready as well. Bahs~

I was a virgin until I was 21. I was in no way ready before then to have sex with someone. In fact, I think even then I wasn't ready. I think waiting to have sex is a great thing-no matter what age. The most important thing is to be ready and not let anything or anyone pressure you. It's what I hope to teach my boys. not some arbitrary age number but when they are emotionally ready.

It takes a lot of discipline to remain a virgin and if that is what you've chosen to, well great for you I should say. I don't think there is anything unusual in wanting to remain a virgin until marriage.

I really admire you.

Just by really considering what your beliefs are concerning sex is the important part, in the end. Whether that means holding off until marriage, or holding off until you are ready, or whatever conclusion ends up feeling right for you.
I lost my virginity in my early 20s, and it was very much like phronk suggested. I wasn't able to enjoy any of my relationships until I just got it out of the way, and then I kind of realized I didn't want to find the "one", that marriage wasn't even on my to do list for the next twenty years, and that all that anxiety around sex was making me crazy. Honestly, I think it was the best decision I've ever made. Not saying that that is the path you should go, just offering my experience to the fray.

Thanks!! I'm totally up for alternative views (very liberal minded here) and I never really thought about looking at it this way. But I guess it makes sens.

I'm not sure if I will wait until "marriage" but I would definitely like to wait until "love".

i actually admire you for holding on to your values. i hope you continue to keep your strength and hold on to it until that special guy comes along.