How to be a horrible roommmate
July 10, 2009 by Tellie
Filed under My Inner Kindlings
- Come back to the apartment late at night totally wasted. Then attempt to cook corn dogs. Forget about the corn dogs and go to sleep without turning off the oven and subsequently almost burn down the apartment.
- Forget to tell me that you have turned the toaster to level BURN THE HELL OUT OF IT until after I toast my poptart.
- Forget your wallet, again, when it’s your turn to pay for the toilet tissue. It’s not sneaky. It’s stupid.
- Talk to me while I’m trying to go to sleep. After I tell you that I’m trying to go to sleep continue to jabber like a monkey.
- Snore.
- Wait until I lie down to take a nap before you start reading a book LOUDLY. Do you know how loud pages turn nowadays?
- Screw the lid on to everything so tightly that I have to use a jackhammer to open the mayo.
- Shave in the tub and leave a puddle of hairy water.
- Borrow my shampoo. Get your own.
- Make fun of the way I drool all over my pillow in my sleep.
- Misplace your keys one more time.
- When I catch you picking your nose, instantly pretend that it was just an itch you had to scratch. That’s a mighty deep itch.
- Casually admit to sercretly eating my granola. Then brag about how good it tasted. You know I bought it for me, myself, and I.
