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Addressing the Misconceptions of Virginity

October 17, 2009 by Tellie  
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Even though I am currently in a relationship, my position on virginity still stands. I am still intact, whole, pure, etc and I plan on remaining that way for quite some time. I don’t necessarily feel compelled to wait until marriage, but I do feel that I should wait until I’m in a very serious relationship. That being said, when a guy finds out that I practice abstinence there are a lot of misconceptions.

The most common misconception deals with religion. Although religion does play a role in my decision to remain abstinent, it is not the biggest or only deciding factor. Abstinence is more of a personal rather than religious choice for me. Most guys think that a person who practices abstinence is an overzealous Christian. One guy even asked me if I had ever attended Catholic school. Talk about a slap to the face! I do consider myself a Christian, but in no way am I overzealous…unless of course going to church once a year is considered overzealous… I don’t read the bible. I don’t pray every night. And 99% of the time I forget to say grace over my food. I’m not a very good role model for Christianity, but I try to do what is right…for the most part.

Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two about sex. When I told a male friend of mine where all the stashes of free condoms were around campus his reaction was “But I thought you were celibate!” Yes? And? That doesn’t mean that I’m 100% sexually ignorant. I also know where to find free lube! Furthermore, talking about sex around me doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. It’s intriguing, and I don’t mind hearing a few tips/pointers. Plus, I secretly look forward to my first time.

Then there are the things that males think I have never done just because I’m a virgin. Yes, I have kissed before, yes I have slept in bed with another male, and yes I have participated in the consumption of alcohol. I even use tampons. That’s not very shocking to other girls, right? But apparently it is for guys. I mean, come on, if you only use pads you are missing out on A LOT! And because I’d like to keep this blog at least PG-13 rated, I won’t go into details about the things this virgin has seen and/or done that may or may not be shocking.

As I said earlier, I don’t see losing my V-card in my immediate future. And if a guy loves me and respects me enough, he will wait until I’m ready.

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  • sk
    Hi Im a guy and i m still holding on
    Cos i still havnt found a girl who loves.
    Cos for me its a matter of emotion than a physical one
  • prianca
    Wow. I really like the look and style of your blog...you write clearly.
    what attracted me was the issue coz I had written a blog on the same topic some time back. Surprisingly, my stand is the same. I"m in a relationship too but not in a hurry. Have done stuff but that does not make me a sinner.
    Will look forward to your blog from now on
  • Hi, I have to agree with your point that guys often have misconceptions. As soon as I read "I am still intact", my first thought was immediately How old are you?

    When I was a teenager it was really a case of trying to lose your virginity and I regret that I did it when I did. I think it's important for everyone that they consider what they're doing before they go and give their V-card to someone. I know some of my friends lost their's in the worst possible circumstances and they regret it, and its good to see people who really care about their "innocence".

    I'm going to stop rambling now.
  • Yesss better wait than sorry, make it special :) And i really respect you for your principles, never let anyone makes you feel forced in this :)
  • You should definitely wait until it is right. Some men may just be curious, but if someone gets snippy about it, I would guess he is not the right one for you. Also pressure is a great way to discover that someone is not the one.
  • i am in the exact same situation. i was told by the first guy i dated that he didn't want to be with me because i wouldn't sleep with him and i spent a year with a boy without having sex, because i didn't think he was the right guy to lose my virginity to, though i thought about it occasionally. that doesn't mean i'm innocent, naive or don't know anything about sex. it was especially interesting moving from an Asian society, where all of my friends shared my views, to Australia where things were very different. I'm glad you wrote this and i hope a lot of people read it and are educated. Great post.
  • BK
    This is certainly not the thing to rush into. Hey there are people who read the bible and say grace over their food, but they will not hesitate to do harm to others. End of the day, it is not what one does that matter, but what is within oneself. Naturally if one is good from within, whatever he/she does will for sure be good only.
  • Good for you, you have a lot of self-respect and I admire that! Thanks for stopping by my blog.
  • 100% agree with that last sentence! Guys, take note.
  • I agree with you. While I am no longer a virgin, I did wait until I was in a serious relationship in college. But, I was FAR from completely innocent, at the time. Some people are just ignorant. Plain and simple :)
  • I love your confidence. Unfortunately, a lot of women make the decision to have intercourse only because they are afraid of losing their boyfriend. Needless to say, its definitely a wrong reason.

    People's misconceptions of a virgin makes me laugh. Great post.
  • yollie
    girl u just read my mind. this is one of my favourites topics.
  • wow, thank you SO much for writing this post. im in the exact same position (sans boyfriend at the moment though) and people seem to find it impossible to believe that i would just like to wait. and im almost 21!
  • Good for you! I wish more young people would have your attitude. Waiting for sex, until you are ready, and the time is right is obviously optimal.
  • Amen. Been there on the recieving end of such nonsense. *nods* Oh, our society is misinformed.
  • Hats off to you! Awesome post! A friend of mine decided to stay a virgin until marriage and people have a hard time believing it when she tells them that she is one. I started off planning to save myself for marriage, but that went out of the window, now I'm just on the fence about the whole issue. Just playing it by ear.
  • Good for you. Some people can be seriously ignorant sometimes. Nobody needs to fly to the moon to know that the Earth is round.
  • I think that's perfectly smart of you. I'm not sure I can pull off saying this, as I may be too white, but... you go girl. :)
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