Chronic Pain

Yes, I’m still dealing with whatever mystery illness I have.   It still has yet to be diagnosed by a doctor, and it’s just a literal pain in the rear end  …..and the shoulder,  neck, and the knees, head, etc.

I use to spend a lot of time googling possible illnesses, but I haven’t done that in well over a year.

I use to watch every episode of Mystery Diagnosis hoping that I’d find the answer, and I don’t do that anymore either.

Iguess I’ve sort of given up hope.  I’ve lost faith in the medical system and fear I will never get a diagnosis.

I don’t tell many people about how often I’m not feeling well. I don’t need sympathy. And I don’t like complaining.  I’m pretty sure it’s good to talk about your problems with someone every once and a while, yet that’s just not me.  I don’t like burdening other people with my problems. I don’t like it when other people worry…especially about me.

I don’t think anyone understands exactly how much pain I am actually talking about, not even my parents.  I’m talking about enough pain to make me cry.  And trust me when I say this, it takes a lot to make me cry. I’ve even thought about calling 911 several times this year especially on that one day I was in so much pain I could barely walk.

So I’m guessing it’s time for me to go back and start looking for an actual diagnosis.  This means going to the doctors.  I hate doctors. Because honestly, I’m not fearful of finding something wrong; I’m more fearful of finding nothing wrong. So I’ve scheduled a doctor’s appointment for Friday. The first day of my break.

In the past I’ve gotten possible diagnoses of multiple sclerosis, depression, lyme disease, parkinsons disease, arthritis, hypochondria, hyperchondria (I made that word up but seriously one doctor told me I don’t care enough about my health), and absolutely nothing at all. In the back of my mind I’ve always wondered if I have fibromyalgia, it’s the only thing that fits, but no doctors have suggested it…I will definitely bring it up at my next appointment.

Well what ever it is I know it’s not nothing, and I’m pretty sure it’s not depression…because other than this illness, I’m absolutely loving my life!  I love my friends, I love the fact that I’m about to graduate next semester, I have an amazing family, and things are just so awesomely fantastic, well, almost…except for the fact that I can’t remember the last I was 100% pain free.

And even if the appointment I have scheduled for Friday doesn’t work out, at least I’ll get the malaria pills I need for my trip.