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My Life Would be Wonderful if it Weren’t for Chronic Pain

April 16, 2010 by Tellie  
Filed under My Inner Kindlings

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I don’t blog every time I’m sick. But this is not something new. I don’t tell my friends, my parents, or even my personal diary either. Should this be something I need to change?

I guess it’s become the norm. It’s become normal for me to feel like shit. And on the days I feel exceptionally shitty, I blog about it, hence this entry. I am still undiagnosed. I don’t know what I have, but I need an answer, and soon. I can’t live like this.

I can barely go to school full time and work part time. And by barely, I mean, I can’t. I’m debating quitting my job because I really cannot do this. I skip work daily and sometimes multiple times a day to sleep. I’m just lucky that my job requires me to do absolutely nothing substantial. But the sad thing is I can’t even show up to a place for 20 hours a week to do nothing because I’m that sick all the time.

Sometimes I wonder, how will I ever be able to work full time? Because if I continue to feel like this, I really don’t think I can. I say all this because I just got off the phone with my mom about how shitty I have been feeling. She asked me something that’s been gnawing on the back of my mind for a while now. She asked me how will I be able to live alone and go to graduate school if I’m always so sick.

And to be honest, I don’t know.

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  • I haven't talked to you in so long, I don't know what's going on with you, but it sounds very similar to what's been going on with me the past few years. I got fibromyalgia and honey, I know exactly what your talking about and going through, and I know what it feels like to be in constant pain. I'm not able to work anymore and I'm currently filing for disability because of it. Miss ya girl (it's Evilburn btw)
  • i really don't know what to say. i can't say that i can even relate, the worst thing that has ever happened to me health wise (aside from getting malaria) is spraining my ankle a couple days ago. it has affected me more than i expected, but i know that in a couple weeks time i'll be back to normal.

    all i can say is keep the faith, don't lose hope, i know you've been going thru it for so long, but i'm praying that you get a diagnosis very soon. not only that, but i hope then they will be able to help you.

    keep the faith. (oh and i don't know if this will help at all, but check out this blog 1000awesomethings.com, it might make you smile or laugh, which i find is one of the best medicines)
  • I'm not sure exactly what you're going through, but I can kind of relate. After a car accident in high school, I spent a minimum of 3 days a week locked in a completely dark, quiet room with major migraines. I think I missed 60 days of class my senior year of high school. I also spent 7 years visiting hospitals across the US, undiagnosed. It was awful. Finally, a physical therapist noticed a problem, and a few days later, I was diagnosed with a torn cranial nerve. After regular occipital nerve blocks, everything is MUCH, MUCH better. Hang in there!
  • Thanks for sharing! It is always comforting to know there is someone out there who understands what I'm going through.

    Very glad to hear you are doing better!!
  • Kez
    That sounds terrible. There's nothing worse than feeling like crap. Especially when it interferes with your productivity and sense of self.
    I hope that you get an answer soon
  • I'm so sorry that you feel so sick, hun. I wish there was something that I could say but I really don't know what there is to say other than to try and sympathize and say that I wish and hope things get better for you. *hugs*
  • Thank you very much. Every little bit of encouragement helps more than you know.
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