Stream of Conciousness/Updates

Hello! I’m still alive! I burned myself today with boiling water. I do that just about every time I boil water. I just thought I’d share because you’d think I’d learn, but nope. I burn my finger. THE SAME ONE. Every time.

I do not proof read my blog posts so I’m sure they are riddled with grammatical and punctuation errors.

School started a few weeks ago and it’s keeping me busy! It’s actually throwing my view of how intelligent I am out the window. Intelligent? Me? Pffft noooo. I feel so dumb and inadqeuate at times. But I hear these feelings are normal. The goal for me in my studies right now is to pass a Qualifier exam in June to continue my PhD studies. If I fail it, I can take it again in August. If I fail that I will be kicked out of the program. I’m super nervous about the Qualifier exam, but I know I can do it if I keep myself motivated. It’s just so disheartening at times since I feel so confused about a lot of the class materials. I wonder when I will feel better about it? Either way I have met some really awesome people and I’m started to “hang out” more and do things. I couldn’t do this last year since I was always sick.

Health. Things are still about the same. I’ve been started on the third (and hopefully last) round of steroids. I’ve gained 20lbs since I’ve started these steroid rounds. I’m still pretty “small” (someone told me: “I’m so glad I’m sitting next to another small person” when I was taking a flight recently which was pretty awesome!!) but I cannot afford another 20lb weight gain because I’m a few pounds shy of no longer being considered a “small” person (at least I think so).I think eventually I will need a second opinion. While I’m feeling better I still have no clue why when I do flare up not only do I have joint and muscle pain, but I have a lot of neurological symptoms as well. I get REALLY lethargic: I can sleep 24 hours straight, no joke. My muscles twitch and spasm and I get wicked headaches. My hair has fallen out and my mouth has broken out in sores. Also, for the past 5 years or so my kidneys have been in and out of wack. This all leads me to think I have Lupus. My rhuematologist has diagnosed all these symptoms as “Inflammatory Arthritis”. Although I often don’t think I’m open enough with the severity of my other symptoms.Since school has started I don’t really have the time or the money to go through another set of tests and to get this second opinion especially since I am on the same exact medications I would be if I were diagnosed with Lupus (and I’m feeling much better). The one good thing about NOT having an official Lupus diagnoses is that I shouldn’t have a hard time finding health insurance if need be. But still my gut tells me something more is wrong than “Inflammatory Arthritis”.

All those times I tried to start exercise programs I would just get sick. I guess I was still hoping that my sickness wasn’t really a sickness at all, and that I was just lazy. Well exercise obviously made me feel worse but now that I’m on the right cocktail of medications I think it’s safe for me to try an exercise program. I WANT TO LOSE THOSE 20LBS!!

I’m sneaking in this paragraph close to the end in hopes that any people who are easily offended don’t read this part. My friends always laugh at me and think I’m hilarious, but it’s rare that I’m actually attempting to be funny. It’s always baffled me, but I guess because I’m sort of witty/sarcastic and I’m probably saying things no one would dare say. Like I’ll say how much I want a dog, I am seriously thinking about getting one. But it has to be a small one because if it attacks me or a loved one, I want to be able to kick it across the room. I’m not joking. I’m sorry to all the dog lovers in the world. But I’m just being brutally honest. I would not harm a dog unless it was a danger though. Promise!

I can’t wait to share some of my musical accomplishments, but I need to get new batteries for my camera. The other one drains too quickly. Luckily my “arthritis” doesn’t interfere with my piano playing. I am also teaching a little boy how to play and I’m super excited, because his excitement reminds me of myself when I was his age. I’ve been debating whether or not I should teach him via the Suzuki approach (pretty much playing by ear) or the standard approach (with sheet music). I think I will be going with a modified Suzuki approach since he doesn’t know how to read yet but we shall see. The official lessons will begin in November and I asked his parents to go over the first 7 letters of the alphabet, so my method of choice will be based on how much “reading” he learns.