Much Needed Update

Sorry for not updating for a while. I will try to keep this update short and sweet:

1. I have a new laptop! I was without a computer for a while, hence my lack of updating .
2. School is going very well.  I feel like I can get through this quarter with better grades than last quarter! It’s still insanely difficult but I’ve found a better way to study. I have a new plan for studying for the big qualifier test. It’s in about 4 months and I am planning on studying 500 hours for this test before then.  I started this study plan on Saturday and so far I have studied 7 hours.
3. My health is okay. It’s definitely better than it was but I’m still not feeling as well as I hoped I should.  I don’t think the new medication is working as well as it should, but I do feel like I have a lot more energy.  My main issue is pain. Oh do I wish I wasn’t in pain all the time every day.  I’ve had a grand total of 4 pain free days this year, and they were all in the first couple of weeks in January. It is so frustrating.

That’s all for now!

2011 In Review

When I don’t think about the awfulness of graduate school 2011 was a really good year for me. For the first time in 5 years I am no longer in pain every single day.   An improvement in this one seemingly small facet of my life has helped me in other areas.  I am now able to socialize more instead of spending all my free time catching up on sleep due to extreme fatigue.  I am also a much happier person. I now realize  how depressed I was when I suffered from constant pain.  I no longer feel that dark cloud over me. I feel free. Even still, I’m not 100% pain free and I’m not sure if I ever will be.  I have to wait 6 months for this medication to kick and I already feel better after 2, but I still experience a significant amount of pain. I know I talk about my health a lot but right now it’s probably the number one thing in my life that’s constantly on my mind so now onto another topic…

I finished the master’s program in June, but didn’t get a master’s because I started the PhD program in August.  The master’s program was easy but the PhD program is tough. I’m really going to have to step it up this quarter and the subsequent one after that. I have the big test to pass in June and I’m really nervous.  I did horrible my first quarter but I’m sure if I focus more things will work out just fine.

I was really hoping by the end of 2011 I would be in some sort of relationship but I am not.  Some days it gets me down, but then when I see how some people have let relationships ruin their lives, I am content with waiting for the right person.

I have been able to discern my true friends more so this year than any other.  As I get older the friendships I make are stronger than ever before and it always feels nice to know you have a few good friends (especially if you are as socially awkward as I am).

So 2011, I’d give you an 8/10.  Which is pretty high for me. It’s been the best year for me that I can think of. I can’t wait to see what 2012 has in store!

Slowly but surely there is improvement

I don’t think anyone can truly understand how depressing it can be to be in chronic pain until you have experienced it firsthand.  I spent several years suffering in silence.  When I did talk about it, no one really knew how much I was hurting.  I think the worst part of it all was when people didn’t believe how much agony I was in.  Some didn’t even believe I was in pain at all.  That hurt more than anything. I hid my pain well.  I still hide my pain well.   This is easily the most painful thing I have EVER experienced and I lived with the pain for YEARS.  With each new symptom I became more and more drained physically as well as mentally. On my lowest days I was certain death would be better. I could never kill myself, but I just wanted all these issues to disappear.

After years of struggling it’s finally under some sort of control. Because of this, I am a MUCH happier person now than I was just a mere 6 months ago.  I still have many bad days but I also have the good ones.  And now that the good days outnumber the bad, I can’t help but be grateful.

It’s Over!!

My first quarter as a PhD student, and it was… humbling. Being sick still made the quarter very difficult,  but I know it can be done.  Also I have a feeling next quarter will be infinitely better!  My final exams were on Tuesday and I came back home (to the DC area) on Wednesday.  I didn’t do ANYTHING on Wednesday which felt so strange.  Today I studied for a total of 2 hours.  Tomorrow I’m going into the city.  It feels so weird to take a break!!!

So the plan from here on out is to study at least 4 hours a day when I have something planned and 8-10 hours a day when I don’t.  Graduate school is my job right now and I will treat it as such. Plus, I am not happy with how I performed AT ALL.  By the time I realized what my shortcomings were the quarter was practically over.  So I need to review LONG and HARD.  I think 3 weeks is more than enough time to go over 10 weeks worth of material especially since  I don’t have to deal with homework or three other classes.

I’m certain if I can stay focused throughout the break I will have no problem passing the qualifying exam in June.

I am going to Atlanta for new years and school starts again January 3rd!