Home sick…

When winter break and summer break rolls around, most college students go back to their hometown, filled with familiarity, filled with friends. I don’t. I never have. And sometimes I wonder if I ever will.

Two years ago on this very same day I started packing to move from a country that I like to call home.  Korea.

I found some old pictures of that day. Here is my life room being packed away. I am glad my parents decided to move to the US with me, but I’m sure they will be leaving to some other far off land soon enough.

I remember all the fun I had

All the friends I made

I found this old English project while rummaging through my things a few months ago. How awesome it was to grow up as an expat. How awesome it was to live in such a vibrant culture.

I’m not saying life isn’t great right now. It is!

It’s just that some days, I want to go home.

Identity Crisis

Where am I from?

Although I am technically an American, I have lived in America for only a few years. Throughout the day there are constant reminders that I’m not a true full-blooded “American”;  I am still trying to get use to the food, to the music, to the people.

If I’m not “from” America then where am I from? Japan? China? Can I really say that given my complexion?

Or am I from England since I lived there longer than anywhere else?

How can such a simple question be so hard to answer?

Americans are stupid and I’m suppose to be proud

These are REAL conversations I’ve had with people:

Lady: So where are you from?
Me: I just moved from Korea
Lady: Oh so are your parents Jewish missionaries…?
Me: Uhh…no…?
Lady: Oh because I knew this Jewish girl whose parents were missionaries, not that you look Jewish or anything…

WTF?! No duh i don’t look jewish.

Dude: So where are you from?
Me: I just moved here from Korea
Dude: Oh is one of your parents Korean?

Do I look Korean?

Person: So where are you from?
Me: I just moved here from Korea
Person: North or South?

I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked this. Seriously if I even THOUGHT about living in North Korea I’d be an idiot seeing as I’d most likely be killed. This is the dumbest question ever…wait there’s a worse one…

*In elevator in a hotel in Hawaii about 5 or 6 years ago*

Full Grown 35 year oldish Blonde lady: So where is everyone coming from?
Random Guy: Utah
Random Gal: California
Me: Japan
Blonde lady: Wow!!!!! You’re english IS VERY GOOD

Like seriously are people really this dumb? I have not one Asian feature about me! GAHH.

I am HUGE in Japan

The entire country of japan is the size of a family Sedan.  I’m not kidding. Living in Japan and other Asian countries for a total of 6 years has really taken its toll!!   I seriously thought I was fat.  I wore the second to last size jeans they offered in most Asian markets and I was embarrassed. Sometimes old Asian men and women would come up to me and tell me “OOOHh!! You’re soooo biggg!!!!” I even heard a “chubby , chubby girl” once.

Guess what size pants I wear?

2/4.

I know I need to embrace my body, love it for what it is, but this was during a critical point in my life; the beginning of my puberty years.  I felt horrible on the inside, i felt ugly.  I was fat.

When I moved back to the US a few years ago I was far from “fat” I was actually on the small side and I’ve even been called “skinny” up North.  And I look like I have “been starved and anorexic” down South. I just hope that now I have matured enough to know that I am not fat, my  body is perfectly normal, and I am beautiful no matter what they say because words can’t bring me down.