Typical Week

I’m just writing this down for my memory. I still think I have time management issues but I try to stick with this schedule. I am a first year PhD student.

Monday, Wednesdays

8:00-9:30	Wake Up, Get ready, head to school
9:30-11:30	Class
11:30-1:30	Eat Lunch while studying
1:30-3:30	Class
3:30-4:00	Head home
4:00-6:00	Take Much needed break if time permits
6:00-12:00	Do homework with or sans TV

Tuesdays and Thursdays

8:00-9:30	Wake Up
9:30-11:30	Do any chores or errands
11:30	Eat quick lunch and head to school
12:00-5:00	Study/Do homework in library
5:30-7:30	Class
8:00-10:00	Take Much needed break if time permits
10:00-12:00	Do homework/study with or sans TV

Fridays

8:00-9:30	Wake Up, Get ready, head to school
9:30-11:30	Class
11:30-5:30	Eat Lunch while doing homework/studying
5:30-6:30	Class
6:30-12:00	Take much needed break if time permits.

Saturdays and Sundays

8:00	Wake up with good intentions. Hit snooze.
10:00-12:00	Actually wake up. Chores, Errands, Church
12:00-5:00	Homework and Studying
5:00-7:00	Take Much needed Break (if time permits)
7:00-12:00	Study

So I’m spending 65 hours doing school work on a good week. And I try to be in bed by midnight although it’s usually closer to 1am. I’m still getting a good 6-8 hours of sleep which is awesome, and I try to catch up on missed sleep over the weekend.

This is not a good week since it’s midterm week. I’ve been studying 10 hours every day at least for the past week or so. How many of these study hours are actually productive is yet to be determined.

I don’t plan on life getting much better until next Thursday.

Drinking…

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but…

I don’t drink.
Not because I think it’s morally wrong.
I think it’s perfectly okay when not done in excess.
But for me, alcohol tastes like battery acid and vomit.
Maybe it is an acquired taste.
However, it’s not a taste I ‘m willing to acquire.
Why would I waste my money torturing myself?
I know a few people who use alcohol to unwind after a long week.
I would rather unwind by playing classical music on the piano.

Overcoming Shyness

I know I’ve mentioned it before in a blog post but I suffer from shyness. I wouldn’t quite call it social anxiety but I’m not very outgoing, I don’t really care for new social situations,  etc.  But over the past two months I’ve been making an effort to combat my shyness.  I’ve been coming out of my shell.  I’ve done a ton of things that I wouldn’t normally do and I’ve started making quite a few friends.  I’m loving the new social life that I have (although it isn’t much since I’m in hell-year as far as graduate school is concerned).

I think what helps the most is not being depressed. Now that I think about it, I was probably a bit depressed in previous months/years.  Being in constant pain every day can do that to a person I hear. But now that I’m not in pain all the time things are just so much easier.

So what have I been doing?

• Rock climbing
• Frequenting bars
• Exploring the city
• Tailgating
• Going to parties
• Throwing parties
• Joining student organizations
• Going to church regularly

I like this way of living so much better!

Slight Blog Change

So I’m starting to moderate comments on my blog. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve gotten a slew of emails and recent comments about previous posts.  While most of them don’t worry me, one particular post is getting a little out of hand. I don’t know why dozens of people are coming to my blog all of a sudden, but yeah that’s just the way it’s going to be.

School

Is getting crazier and crazier. I put in at least 10 hours of work in today just so I can be sure I will have 10 hours to study tomorrow and each day over the weekend. I will be easily putting 70 hours this week into school possibly 80. So for all the blog friends out there I do read most blogs I just don’t have time to comment. Here is a snap shot of my classes:

Class1
I was good up until the fourth lecture. Now I don’t understand a thing. Its statistics based but obviously at a level I cannot comprehend and I have resorted to copying homework solutions from others (more on this later)

Class 2
The class that matters. I understand 75% or more at all times. Also this is the only class that REALLY matters in the grand scheme of things.

Class 3
Complement to class 2. Very helpful.

Now there are three programs that have to take class 1 and 2. Each program requires a different level of mathematical preparation. Thus my major is math heavy, (for privacy I will not disclose what it is exactly) but my program requires very little math prep. I only took 1 math class as an undergrad so….not smart. This means a lot of people in other programs are better prepared and they have seen the material before. Which is why I copy their homework. Everyone in my program with little math prep is just as confused as I am.

Yup so thats my life right now. Btw I sent this visa android so forgive the horrible predictive text. Im too lazy to proof read.

Stream of Conciousness/Updates

Hello! I’m still alive! I burned myself today with boiling water. I do that just about every time I boil water. I just thought I’d share because you’d think I’d learn, but nope. I burn my finger. THE SAME ONE. Every time.

I do not proof read my blog posts so I’m sure they are riddled with grammatical and punctuation errors.

School started a few weeks ago and it’s keeping me busy! It’s actually throwing my view of how intelligent I am out the window. Intelligent? Me? Pffft noooo. I feel so dumb and inadqeuate at times. But I hear these feelings are normal. The goal for me in my studies right now is to pass a Qualifier exam in June to continue my PhD studies. If I fail it, I can take it again in August. If I fail that I will be kicked out of the program. I’m super nervous about the Qualifier exam, but I know I can do it if I keep myself motivated. It’s just so disheartening at times since I feel so confused about a lot of the class materials. I wonder when I will feel better about it? Either way I have met some really awesome people and I’m started to “hang out” more and do things. I couldn’t do this last year since I was always sick.

Health. Things are still about the same. I’ve been started on the third (and hopefully last) round of steroids. I’ve gained 20lbs since I’ve started these steroid rounds. I’m still pretty “small” (someone told me: “I’m so glad I’m sitting next to another small person” when I was taking a flight recently which was pretty awesome!!) but I cannot afford another 20lb weight gain because I’m a few pounds shy of no longer being considered a “small” person (at least I think so).I think eventually I will need a second opinion. While I’m feeling better I still have no clue why when I do flare up not only do I have joint and muscle pain, but I have a lot of neurological symptoms as well. I get REALLY lethargic: I can sleep 24 hours straight, no joke. My muscles twitch and spasm and I get wicked headaches. My hair has fallen out and my mouth has broken out in sores. Also, for the past 5 years or so my kidneys have been in and out of wack. This all leads me to think I have Lupus. My rhuematologist has diagnosed all these symptoms as “Inflammatory Arthritis”. Although I often don’t think I’m open enough with the severity of my other symptoms.Since school has started I don’t really have the time or the money to go through another set of tests and to get this second opinion especially since I am on the same exact medications I would be if I were diagnosed with Lupus (and I’m feeling much better). The one good thing about NOT having an official Lupus diagnoses is that I shouldn’t have a hard time finding health insurance if need be. But still my gut tells me something more is wrong than “Inflammatory Arthritis”.

All those times I tried to start exercise programs I would just get sick. I guess I was still hoping that my sickness wasn’t really a sickness at all, and that I was just lazy. Well exercise obviously made me feel worse but now that I’m on the right cocktail of medications I think it’s safe for me to try an exercise program. I WANT TO LOSE THOSE 20LBS!!

I’m sneaking in this paragraph close to the end in hopes that any people who are easily offended don’t read this part. My friends always laugh at me and think I’m hilarious, but it’s rare that I’m actually attempting to be funny. It’s always baffled me, but I guess because I’m sort of witty/sarcastic and I’m probably saying things no one would dare say. Like I’ll say how much I want a dog, I am seriously thinking about getting one. But it has to be a small one because if it attacks me or a loved one, I want to be able to kick it across the room. I’m not joking. I’m sorry to all the dog lovers in the world. But I’m just being brutally honest. I would not harm a dog unless it was a danger though. Promise!

I can’t wait to share some of my musical accomplishments, but I need to get new batteries for my camera. The other one drains too quickly. Luckily my “arthritis” doesn’t interfere with my piano playing. I am also teaching a little boy how to play and I’m super excited, because his excitement reminds me of myself when I was his age. I’ve been debating whether or not I should teach him via the Suzuki approach (pretty much playing by ear) or the standard approach (with sheet music). I think I will be going with a modified Suzuki approach since he doesn’t know how to read yet but we shall see. The official lessons will begin in November and I asked his parents to go over the first 7 letters of the alphabet, so my method of choice will be based on how much “reading” he learns.

Update

It’s been almost a month since my last post so I feel obligated to give an update to whomever cares

Health wise things are okay. I have been off of the steroids for almost two weeks and I have slowly felt the pain creep back up. My pain is no where near the pain levels I was experiencing before, but the pain is still there.  Today my pain is actually pretty significant for the first time in weeks so I’m wondering how I will feel tomorrow and thereafter.  I am planning on scheduling another rheumatologist appointment sometime next monday or tuesday.  I really do not want to go on another round of steriods because 2 weeks ago at the end of my steroid round, the scale read an all-time-high number.

School.  Classes haven’t started, but there is a review session for incoming PhD students. It’s pretty intense. I am at school from 9am-6pm and I am either in class/studying/working 95% of that time (yes even through lunch time).  I am putting in about 60 hours a week into school and this is before classes have started.  It’s hard work but I am pretty optimistic.  Last year I was really fatigued and had a lot of trouble focusing because I was always in pain. Now it’s the total opposite.  I do feel my energy levels are on the downward climb.  But still I am SO much better than I was!

Maybe…

Since my last post I’ve been doing a whole lot better.  I write down my pain levels and they have been consistently at a level of 0-2/10 every day for 8 out of the past 9 days. I can’t remember the last time I felt this good for this long.  I am incredibly happy about it…but somewhat in denial.  I keep thinking that maybe it’s a fluke. Maybe I just happen to feel better and it’s not the steroids working. Maybe there is nothing seriously wrong with me. Maybe my body is not attacking itself.  Maybe I won’t need to be on medication for the rest of my life to feel this good…

Prednisone Round II

So it’s my second round of prednisone and I knew right away that it wasn’t working as well as it had the first time.I’m still in quite a considerable amount of pain but it’s definitely better than before I started the steroids.  Before ,  on any given day,  my pain was about a 5-6/10 on average.  Currently my pain averages  to a 2/10 with “spikes” of pain up to 6.  I do have a lot more energy though.  I take an hour nap every day and sleep for about 6 hours every night. Before I was sleeping 8 hours at night and taking 3 hour naps. Even though I’m feeling better, I don’t want to be on prednisone any more. The long term side effects are no bueno. I think the plan now is to switch me over to a different drug called Plaquenil.  And while this is seemingly helping my physical symptoms, I’m still having some neurological symptoms .

My next rhuematologist appointment should be right before classes start. I want to ask for pain medications so I can get these “spikes” under control.  I’ve tried tylenol, but I might as well be taking a placebo. If I can get this pain under control I will feel much better starting an intensive PhD program.

Health Update

Seems like my blog is turning into a health blog, which is not really where I intended it to go.  I can’t express how hard it is to deal with a health issue without any close relatives or friends nearby for comfort. I feel like I’m going through this all alone.  I know in reality I’m not.  But it sure does feel like it. I think I might have a case of mild depression.  Dr. Appointment days especially get me down  Any other day I don’t really have to face my problems, but on the days I have to see a doctor, I do.   Today was a doctor appointment day.

So there are still no definite answers into why I feel so shitty, but at least I found a doctor who is  willing to look for one. I was forward to an opthamologist because I have pretty horrible eyesight.  My left eye is the worst of the two; it’s so bad I cannot read the first letter on the eye chart  (this is with glasses on).  Since the steroids helped my pain for a while, I have to start taking them again. Which is good because I would like pain relief again and I have been in some severe pain for the past week or so.

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